Entries from January 2009 ↓

Annoying, isn’t it? I bet you didn’t even notice the TV in there. And that’s just visual, you can look away or change the page. Also, I doubt it’s so bad you have physical pain as a result.

But if it was audio, you’d have muted your speakers, yelled at the computer, and called me a jackass. It’s like when you swap from a normal webpage to a MySpace page, a sudden loud blast of something you don’t want to hear at any volume. That’s what’s going on constantly with the TV. Even the best volume normalizer, and many sets come with them now, can’t catch some of these jumps.

Given all the asinine regulations the FCC has put out, all the stupid decisions of the last year, and the fact you can’t say fuck, why can a cable company run a commercial at double the volume of what I’m watching? There are commercials that run at such an increase people actually have to yell over them. Of course, their ears adjust, so they turn the TV show up, then the commercials are louder, reaching the point of genuine damage to the ears.

I’m much less concerned about someone yelling “shit shit fuck shit fuck!” on Jerry Springer than someone that has actual effects on my life. It makes me yell “FUCK THAT’S LOUD, WHERE’S THE REMOTE?” first, then in 20 years,  I’ll never hear anything ever again. It’s always, of course, a really awful ad. Usually a local jingle that makes you want to stab your ears at very low volume, much less when it’s the only thing audible at the time, over dogs, friends, vacuums, and low-flying F-15s. And when it’s played so loud it echoes in your brain over the TV show, it borders on criminal. Mind rape.

Oh, and don’t think it’s not obvious who’s doing it intentionally. That’s right Cox Communications, we know. We know because the local commercials and commercials for your own services are always, ALWAYS double the volume of the DirecTV commercials. Only with more awful hipster music. It’s not coincidentally dissimilar bitrates, and I’m sure it works both ways.

Loud commercials are bad enough, loud commercials that try to be Apple are even worse. This was tolerable when it was just a few used car dealerships, but now it happens with every break.

Someone find me the name of the new head of the FCC. Forget net neutrality, I shouldn’t ever be forced to hear Her Space Holiday at high volume.

Would you let Donald Trump decide your new hairstyle? Would you let him critique your coif, your luxurious mane? I remind you he looks like this:

Then why do you let any of the E! channel fashion editors like Cojo or Christian Siriano tell you about fashion?

Obviously something is working for them, because they’re still winning fashion design shows, appearing on national TV, and generally being considered highly reputable correspondents. But one has had the same ladies’ haircut since 1978, the other is apparently an emo-fabulous Harry Potter. But oh, you will see them after any awards show, judging what other people are wearing, how they’ve done their hair, and the accessories they’ve chosen. Yet these men have never worn a single thing in their lives that wouldn’t result in a thorough mocking in the real world.

These are the same people who tell us Kate Moss is hot, think quiffs look good, tell us Renée Zellweger looks best skinny, and judge how good everything looks by how up to date it is with recent trends rather than how it looks on someone. Oh, and they said Robert Downey Jr looked bad at the Golden globes. So what do they know?

It’s time we rise up against fashion editors who demonstrate they have no taste with everything they wear on camera. The emperor is naked, and I say we replace him with Iron Man!

Alternately, me. I don’t mind sitting around on camera and being snarky, and I know I’m not stylish!