Entries from February 2009 ↓
February 20th, 2009 — grammar, stupidity
Ellipses do not function as periods.
For those who just responded sarcastically to the monitor, I thank you. For those of you who just commented on youtube, I probably mean you.
Ellipses being used as periods is the new unnecessary apostrophe I suspect, used by people who have no idea what the markings are for, nor how to properly do them a significant amount of the time.
I thought I’d have to hunt around for something here to demonstrate, but no. Craigslist delivers on the first two clicks.
So here’s the deal guys… I wanna date… Not jump into a relationship those
never work out… I wanna have fun… And meet a guy who isn’t embarrassed to be
With a bbw… I’m cute… Fun… Outgoing… And very laid back… No I’m not a
virgin… But no I’m not gonna have sex with you… So I’m not looking for a
cheap hook up… I’m looking for a guy who knows how to have fun… And be crazy
and serious at the same time… I’m looking for a real person not a fake…
No periods. Ever. And yet, each piece starts with a capital letter, as if she knows she’s stopping a sentence there. An elipsis every time. Is she indicating an incomplete thought? Yes. I’m guessing most of her thought process is incomplete, actually.
hello there my names Robert i just moved to phx from texas i am
looking to make some friends ppl to hang out with and maybe more later
down the line let me say a lil about myself .. um i am 25 yrs old i am
single i have short black spiky hair hazel blue eyes 5’9 135 3 periceings
5 tattoos ummm i love the out doors swimming camping 4wheeling playing
pool going to bars drink chillen meeting new ppl … i am oout going
sweet careing honest good persondily funny i like to laugh and make
others laugh …. umm dont wanna over do it so if u like what u hair umm u
may email me
The second entry here is obviously the more insidious one. Grammar, spelling, all bad, but it contains the worst of the abuse. The varying dot-count. It turns out in addition to using an ellipsis in place of a period, people don’t even know what it looks like. It starts with two, moves to three, then ends at four. Apparently you add one for each break in your incoherent thought, to tell everyone else how many times you’ve been an idiot today.
I’ve seen a few people around consistently using two periods instead of either an elipsis or period, just because they don’t know what’s correct, and they probably think nobody will notice if they just use two! That’s a typo at the end of every sentence, nothing else! Really!
Correct elipsis usage as follows:
God, the horrible things I want to do to people who abuse elipses…
February 8th, 2009 — Fashion, ads
Sometimes, I don’t have to say a lot about something. This is one of those times. Everything is wrong with this picture. Puckered lips, an overall attitude of “You’re only worth my time if you buy me Prada”, bad bleach, orange spray-tan (possibly to cover the sores), a shirt that manages to clash against every color she’s applied to herself but does a great job showing off the implants, and freakish white eyeshadow to make her resemble a clownfish when the orange skin and stripes don’t do it alone.
Just because I don’t have to say it doesn’t mean I won’t, okay? If this is what they’re offering, I think this beggar can be a chooser.
I found this ad, by the way, on Facebook, served up by MySpace’s ad system. There’s a great irony there, and I think an amusing statement about just what MySpace is about.
By the way, the Japanese have been doing this for a long time now. Their guidos have already been combined with ravers, and I present you with a glimpse of the future. It’s called ganguro.
Enjoy.
February 3rd, 2009 — Bullshit, Business, Jargon
It’s the most overused and under-defined word in the English language now. Yes, it’s bypassed “fact” now, that’s how bad it is.
Hollywood Video employees get a newsletter titled “Leverage the Power of One.” Commercials say “Learn the power of leverage! Learn what leverage is!” to lure you to bullshit business seminars. “Leverage your gold into cash!” “Leverage the social psychology of social networking media!” Even game developers aren’t immune. “We also wanted to leverage some content from our existing environments.” Leverage the synergy into an actualization of the paradigm!
Business jargon has a special place in our society, certainly, particularly where it can be used instead of everyday language. It’s a wonderful tool to confuse people into thinking something is a good idea, and leverage is the keystone in the obfuscation arch.
You know what leverage actually is? Debt. That’s it. It’s the debt most companies run in permanently, so they can keep paying people from that and expanding the business without actually cutting into the profits. When a company is called “highly leveraged” it’s running way more debt than income, and is essentially fucked. All the companies that just went out this year without giving final paychecks? Highly leveraged.
Of course, that definition has disappeared into the mists, hasn’t it? “Leverage the Power of One” is pretty meaningless now, unless the company considers the employees to be a debt.
Come to think of it, that’s possible knowing that company. But I digress. Now it’s a word that is used in the place of any verb, EVER, to make something sound legit, or at the very least important. Most of the time, it’s INSTANT MONEY NOW DOT COM DOT OMG DOT INFO. I’d bet 9 out of 10 times I hear the word, there’s a .info domain attached, and we all know what that means, don’t we?
That applies just as much to the one out of ten times it’s not utter crap, it’s still crap. If it’s a real usage, it means running in debt, which I think we’ve figured out doesn’t work by now. If it’s a scam, the word is being used in place of “use” or “apply.”
Now go out there with this new knowledge, leverage your intelligence to shift some paradigms outside the box, keep it dynamic, show the rest of the Reaganauts how to do it!
