Entries from August 2009 ↓

I mean really, if your Gamertag requires xX<name>Xx, a number greater than 10 not including birth years or  (sadly) 69, or some horrible spelling mutation, get something else.

I’m talking to you iRoNiiQ. Or WildestDoubloon. Especially you, DaiperBag. All the DigBicks out there, overcompensating for personal shortcomings via the internet. Oh, and fuck everyone with [WEED], [W33D], [W₤₤D] or [BALZ] as a clan tag. Most underground players, people who have a Gamerscore of 10 (nothing against casuals, it just seems to signify people who had to get new accounts). Most of the people listed under the pro category too, in fact (I just logged onto a server, and the first thing I hear is “Motherfucker took my kill!” from SUPERTRUNK2, no surprise, a Pro player. It’s called TEAM deathmatch. That’s call an assist. It comes from TEAMWORK. And yes, he yelled and cussed whenever he died). It seems recreation and family are the non-asshole sections of Xbox Live. And the alternating caps crowd deserves a mention, I suppose. NaMeS lIkE tHiS.

It is horrifyingly common that the most mangled names belong to the biggest jackasses. Usually people who leave the mic on and mouthbreathe you (or worse, are playing the headset sound through their speakers leading to horrid feedback loops), but also whiners, yellers, and kids. Not just fourteen year olds, though most of them are annoying too; I mean actual fucking five year olds on Call of Duty 4.

Granted, we all know most people on Live, or any multiplayer affair, are stupid. I just think Live tends to be worst since you get the headset with the Xbox, and anonyity+audience=utter cockmonger. Or, if I might just repost a Penny-Arcade comic which has been known as a truth to most of us since 2002,

Sadly this doesn’t just stop at bad names, it goes to full asshat behavior. Mouthbreathing the microphone, feedback loops because you play too close to the TV, leave the mic constantly on, and have player speech coming through it, etc. Talkin’ about you, Kickedurdog. I’m talking about you. With Xbox Live, the weak link is clearly the scoring system. Who do you ever see without 5 stars? Even the biggest asshats always have them. Does Microsoft count negative ratings as 1/100th of a positive one? For reference, my recent players list has 43 people with 5 stars, one with 4.5, one with 3. The 3 star was a new guy with a bad name but okay otherwise (one of the many KingLeonidas out there), 4.5 newish, but okay. Four of the 43 were utter smacktards. Everyone complained about them being on the server. Yet, 5 stars. Do they all just have lots of upvoting friends, is the ratio just that bad? Does nobody avoid other players?

I’m just going to start a listing of idiots off the internet at http://www.livetards.com. Mic spammers, exploiters (how small is your dick* that you have to cheat at a multiplayer game where nothing will happen, ever, even if you’re the best in the world?), and general dipshits. These people would, for the most part, NEVER act like this in reality or they’d have been punched in the (likely small) dick* over and over until they could no longer reproduce. I’m not sure what suddenly makes it acceptable to be incredibly stupid in a way that affects others, but there you go. It’s like youtube comments yelled in your ear by 14 year olds who breathe very loudly. I really hope most of them are trolls and not actually that stupid.

But that’s why I’m going to start Livetards. And there, they shall be mocked.

*Substitute with clit as needed for female asshats. Or limp, for xFlaccidGrandpa.

“The unfortunately-desperately-trying-to-be-optimistic-misanthrope in me keeps wishing I will be proven wrong someday, but I always get burned in the end.”-Safa’dib.

I can’t think of a single thing this statement can’t be applied to, and I applaud her.

What’s the point?

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, I mean hi-definition channels running standard-definition shows. This isn’t something like running SD shows from 1995, mind you, I mean recent shows which air, otherwise, in hi-def.

For example, TBS HD is airing My Name Is Earl. But they’re airing the 4:3 version at a stretched aspect ratio. The show is filmed in high definition, and aired in hi-def on NBC. Cartoon Network HD labels The Clone Wars as “Available in Hi-Definition”, and yet runs the show at a stretched 4:3 aspect. Same with The Venture Brothers, the third season at least, which is drawn in an HD ratio and is even on blu-ray.

It seems that Turner does this on all their channels that aren’t CNN, for some reason. TNT airs originals in HD, at least, but plenty of other shows are stretched and are fully headache inducing.

EVERYTHING on Cartoon network gets the treatment of stretched ratios. Okay, that may be wrong, there could be some of the CN:Real abomination not being stretched (exception for Destroy Build Destroy, which has the best title…ever). But right now, Ultimate Avengers 2 is on. Again, a movie mastered in 16:9, run in 4:3 stretch. To make it worse, CNHD doesn’t just stretch, they zoom. CNHD actually crops the top and bottom of any 4:3 show to an extent, in addition to stretching. This may apply to TBS HD, I haven’t checked because my brain is already swelling.

Okay, I checked. It does. They’re airing Men In Black right now, 4:3, stretched/cropped. What the fuck, y’all?

Why? Why not just preserve the ratio properly? People who want a stretched image are extremely rare, and most televisions have the option to stretch the image anyway. Why make your channel unwatchable by the majority of HDTV owners?

I don’t see why aspect ratios are so complicated, but local stations do apparently. In Phoenix, mind you, not Nowhere, Arkansas. Routinely, footage which is 16:9 is shown at 4:3 and vice versa. I’ve seen times when footage was formatted for 16:9, but was run through the program to process 4:3 for 16:9 ratios, compressing the image horizontally until it looked like a strip of paper. Or a 5×8 photograph, run the other way so that it fills the screen, ending in a 8×13 picture of one amazingly fat person. Alternately, a healthy looking Olsen twin or slightly less mega-chinned Heidi Montag.

Television and competence clearly don’t mix.

Normally I’d save this for my games site (Game Curmudgeons), but GOG.com has Beyond Good and Evil and  Prince of Persia:The Sands of Time for $9.99 together, or for $6.99 separately.

PoP was excellent, make no mistake there, but Beyond Good and Evil is among the all-time greats, with an excellent story, beautifully realized setting, and wonderfully rounded characters.

I’ll be taking a spin through BG&E today, and I’ll have a full review on Game Curmudgeons later. GOG has, as always, made the game XP/Vista(32/64) compatible, with no DRM and lots of bonus materials. Comes with the manual, artwork, wallpapers, and soundtrack!

Go, buy! It’s 10 well spent dollars. http://www.gog.com/en/page/ubiaction_promo/

Sure, there’s all the flagging options, but really, when a post is just insulting there’s no good option, all you have is “Spam/Overpost.”

Craigslist needs a button labeled “Fuck you!” Might not be bad in the personals section, admittedly, when you have your incredibly unappealing individuals demanding perfection, but mostly it’s needed for the jobs section, particularly the creative ones. Let me provide an example post of why it’s needed.

“We are a small local firm seeking a couple research assistants to help with the editing and revising of textbooks, which will be published shortly. The subject matter is varied, but the current project deals with emerging threats and homeland security.

This is an unpaid position, but a credit will be awarded to those who contribute and this is a definite resume builder. The schedule is very flexible and the only requirements are excellent writing skills and a laptop.

Interested? Let’s talk.”

“Do our work for free! We’ll put your name in small print in return, where it’ll never be seen and we’ll take all the credit for your research.”

“Fuck you!”

See how that works? It’s cathartic, and I think if someone get hammered with the “Fuck you!” button, they’ll quickly come to understand there’s something about their offer that doesn’t jive with the market.

Fuck you. It’s not. It’s actually the opposite difference. See, that’s how difference works, it’s DIFFERENT.

I don’t generally spend my time on colloquialisms, but I find myself infinitely annoyed by this one. Perhaps it’s being mathematically inclined that bothers me, despite we’re usually referring to names or things saying “same difference.” But it’s still wrong.

“Phoenix, Tuscon, same difference.” But no. See, the differences are that one is not Phoenix, and one is not Tucson. And that’s just the obvious ones. Completely opposite differences, it turns out, just like I said. One north, one south, one hotter, one colder.

Hey, I didn’t say they’d all be comedy gold, I can be annoyed however I want.