Diet juice.

Seriously. What the fuck?

I had to return a bottle of juice to the store today because it was, apparently, diet. I didn’t see this as I bought it, because the concept makes no sense and thus the word, despite being in giant, bold blue letters, developed and SEP field. But now that I’m aware I’m forced to ask “Did someone grow a Splenda tree and graft pomegranate branches to it? Are there Ace-K and Nutrasweet berries in the wild and I’ve been unaware this whole time?”

How and why do you make diet JUICE?

I always imagined the process to be as such.

1)Harvest fruit

2)Process fruit

3)Squeeze processed fruit

4)Bottle processed fruit squeezings

5)PROFIT!!!

Is there, somewhere in the process, a “3.5)??????” that I’m unaware of, where you extract all the fructose and replace it with something else for some reason?