MacGruber

God damn it, another Saturday Night Live movie. Don’t they remember how poorly this went in the 90s? Aside from an okay Pat movie, you can’t make movies out of a 5 minute bit. In fact, you shouldn’t be making 5 minute bits generally, because they’re dragging on too damn long again.

Nothing over 3 minutes unless it’s really, REALLY funny. Like it makes people who aren’t Jimmy Fallon start corpsing.

That said, MacGruber bits are 20-30 seconds long. They’re funny for exactly that long. I’ve seen 30 second commercials that were already too damn long. Let’s do the math really quick, okay?

5 minute sketch converted to 90 minutes, that’s an 1800% length increase, and it ends up being very, very unfunny to outright shitty right around the 300 percent mark. 30 seconds to 90 minutes? 18,000 percent increase. If MacGruber stops being funny at 200%, and gets bad at 300%…

Well, you can do the math from here, because I’m probably doing this all wrong to begin with, but the answer is clearly the kind of suck the ends the world. You think the black hole the LHC can make is scary? Wait until MacGruber. Rumor is it was, in fact, where all that CERN funding went since they haven’t been able to get enough collisions to form a Higgs-Boson.

When they pay you $100 million for scientific research, it’s easy to think that movie’s a good idea!