Risk versus reward

Or, “The E. Coli Dilema.” If you’re not firing from both ends, it’s not E. Coli, but that’s the problem. When you feel so sick and your intestines hurt so bad it says “Screw this man, I’m not taking any more. Go back the way you came.” When you’re hunched over in pain and that warning comes up. The slow, creeping sour flavor, the burning stench of bile in your throat.

You know what’s coming. It’s inevitable, but what do you do? Unless you already knew you were sick, you don’t have a bucket with you, which would be the safest option. Instead, unless you’re fortunate enough to be using a Japanese toilet, you have to make the call. Do you flip? A quick wipe and a switch to your knees means far less cleanup, more comfort, less splash. Unless you cramp up so hard your bowels decide they’re not done. Then the cleanup is exponentially worse.

Or you can pull the shower curtain, lean hard, and let rip. That, however, means a lot more cleaning, which you never want when you’re already sick. Can’t let it sit, though, and unless you’re “lucky” enough that it’s purely bile or mostly dry, you have to get on it before it starts to stick to the tub or mat.

It’s the snitch’s dilemma, played out by your digestive tract. If you take a chance, you might walk out free by turning your partner in. Or you might turn each other in and pay an even worse price than if you’d both just shut up.

All I know is that I’m glad I went for the shower this morning.