Delicious snake oil

Bionic Band has a little brother called iRenew. Yes, this is what happens when you combine snake oil and clueless marketers who claim to be experts in youth/popular culture. Probably the same one who gave us iSnack 2.0.

This time the claim is…hang on, let me try and remember. Oh, right, “BioField Technology.” How’s it work? Let me quote a review they paid for. “In truth, the commercial that demonstrates the balancing power of the bracelet can be considered a manifestation of a field that, to this day, still remains beyond our level of scientific understanding.”

So, it doesn’t. But it does use the same pitch and “demonstration.” Our frequencies are out of tune! We’re under attack constantly from radio waves! And energy! And OTHER HORRIBLE THINGS! Nevermind the fact that we’ve been bombarded by solar radiation and more from the first amoeba and developed things like melanin to deal with it. Fortunately, they have a cure, and you can even get it for plants and pets!

iRenew®’s proprietary, nano based BioField Technology™ not only improves the biofields of people but also can positively impact anything biological which includes the biofields of plants and animals as well.*

Yes, that asterisk IS the standard “This product has not been evaluated by anyone, ever, nor have the claims, and it does not cure treat or prevent any disease.

AKA, “It doesn’t actually do any of the things we’re implying it does.” The usual. But  because people read “nano” and presume it means something besides being on a molecular scale. These bracelets ARE certainly made of molecules. And just like Bionic Band, they claim to alter your frequency to its natural level. One by “aligning the motion of the nuclei of your atoms”, this one by…uh…well, they’re not sure. But somehow they manage to be MORE shady than the original by the fact they only have a P.O. box for mail and their email address is “iRenew@myorderstats.com.” Myorderstats.com. Because if there’s one thing in a domain name that screams “sincere and relaible”, it’s “My(anything).com/info/biz” instead of an actual domain like a respectable business/corporation has.

By the way, iRenew guys? The whole lower case letter “I” is for “internet.” Internet Mac, Internet Phone, Internet…pod. Okay, now it just means hipster, but it’s still used in relation to electronics. This is pretty far from it. This is some rubber and metal.

Now I’m sure someone will come and complain that this post is unfair and that iRenew really works. And to that person I say “Have you tried Alex Chiu’s Eternal Life Rings lately?” Really, the way I see it if you think increased energy is great, you should give immortality a try.