I knew that was a bad idea.

Sometimes you buy something at the store you know you shouldn’t. Not because you’re allergic or it’ll plug you up like Gwenyth Paltrow’s sink, just because it’s going to be awful.

I bought the Rockstar Energy Cola.

I’m not a huge fan of Rockstar’s drinks, honestly. They were always pretty okay, but never great, so I was unsure. Most companies can’t manage to make a good cola, certainly. I’m not even that fond of Pepsi and Coke at this point, and I’m slowly working on creating my own cola. That said, while I’m still averse to most manufactured sodas I’ve been to teach myself to tolerate sodas besides mine for convenience’s sake in college, and aware of this.

I think I was driven by the “dude, smell this” curiousity. The idea that it could be so bad, or maybe really good. If it’s good, it’s a gain, if it’s bad it’s a story.

It was bad.

I never knew cola could have the bitter aftertaste of moldy spaghetti sauce until last night. I managed to drink around four ounces of the 16 ounce can, the rest going down the sink. It smelled great. It looked right, not having the radioactive urine tone of most energy drinks. It fizzed nicely and the foam even was proper. But the taste was the stuff of nightmares.

There’s a big difference between “I don’t care for it” and “this is awful.” I recognize plenty of drinks I don’t care for but can see how others would. There was no redeeming value in this. Red Bull has a better flavor, and less aftertaste. I’ve had warm, cheap vodka I liked better. I dare say Barefoot Wine, aka, The Foot, the worst god damn wine you’ll ever drink, was more pleasant. In fact, the flavor of this cola only got worse when I attempted to wash it out with a good drink. I want to safe, delicious orange soda and it just got more bitter.

I really expected that Rockstar, while not always my favorite drink brand, would put out something tolerable.

I was wrong. But it’s definitely the kind of thing where you can make your friends drink it because you already did, so there’s that at least. And tomorrow, I shall!