Entries Tagged 'ads' ↓

Okay, nobody expects the food to be just like it is on the box.

But I do expect a fairly close number of chocolate chips, and for the layer of frosting not to be so thinly layered as to be transparent!

I do suspect photoshoppery at work. Thumbnail leads to full size image!

“The fun way to start your day.”

“The fun spread.”

“The fun spray.”

“Made for fun.”

“The fun breakfast.”

All of these are from food ads, as the last indicated blatantly.

When did food become something other than nutritious or at least delicious, if terrible for you? Don’t parents say not to play with your food? Yet food ads never seem to display their value as food, they’re advertised as…fun?

Because, you know, Pop-Tarts are highly entertaining. I love watching them curl up in the toaster so I can’t actually get them out of there. That’s fun! And so is that whipped cream. I press the nozzle, and stuff comes out. Whee!

I can’t help but be reminded of old cigarette ads, where you couldn’t show a cigarette. So you show people in the pool, having a good time. At the beach, having a good time. At a dinner party, having a good time. Except now the drug is food, which isn’t a surprise. We throw in addictive additives, certainly. High fructose corn syrup is in damn near everything. Even things that shouldn’t be sweetened. McDonald’s, for example, adds that sugar to the hamburgers even. A friend of mine, in fact, is allergic to corn. There’s almost nothing he can buy at a grocery store because of it, he has to buy everything from a farmer’s market.

But, the drug is in the ad now. Sometimes. The Pop Tart commercial features people dancing a lot more than eating. “The fun whipped cream!” just had a can of the whipped cream, sitting there. No food, no people. I guess I’m taking it on its word.

Of course, that doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. What kind of measure of a food’s quality is FUN? Am I fencing with these churros? Because they won’t taste good when they’re all hand-sweaty. Am I throwing these Pop-Tarts like ninja stars? Cleaning up the mess won’t be fun. In fact, unless the act of eating is the fun…

Oh, wait, there it is. That’s why we’re fat. Because eating itself is the fun. And that’s taken over for healthy food. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a fatass. I don’t eat a lot of fruit, but I also don’t eat a lot of junk. Sometimes I’ll have a little ice cream, a few chips, more often than that I’ll just eat an actual, reasonably sized meal. Because I’m not eating for the fun factor, I’m eating because my body requires nutrition.

It’s not healthy foods, quality foods, which advertise this way. Hell, even junk foods. I don’t see Ben and Jerry’s doesn’t say “We’re fun!” They just declare that the ice cream tastes really good, and hey, don’t eat too much at once. Oh, and nuclear proliferation is bad.

I guess apple growers need to get together. “Apples-A party in every bunch!” Or we take food for what it is, food. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your food, the French sure do, but they’re also much healthier than we are because they don’t sit at a giant plate and chow down. Same with a lot of the world, at least those parts that HAVE food. We grab something cheap and calorie laden on the way home, our unhealthy snacks are cheaper than real, quality food, the damn opposite of the rest of the first world. Only here can Weet-bix and Corn Flakes cost more than Lucky Charms and Froot Loops, only here can McDonald’s instant garbage be cheaper than buying ground beef and fries at the store.

But hey, McDonald’s is more fun than cooking and health, right?

I know I find a commercial series to hate daily, usually locals, but what is this crap Dentyne is pulling with the “friend request?”

It’s such an obvious grab at “the youth culture” as seen by a sixty year old “youth expert.”

I can’t help but even feel a bit patronized by the commercial. It features your standard awkward commercial male, a little geeky, fairly shy, who just goes around asking everyone “Friend request?” and passing them a piece of gum. Then narrating “accepted!” Because that’s how reality works. You see a random person, give them gum, and hey, friends! And at the end they’re all at a party together, even the people who didn’t take the gum! And like a smurf, every phrase the man speaks is replaced with “Friend request.” Bad breath? “Friend request please!” A date? “Friend request tonight?” Caught in bed with someone’s wife? “Friend request?” Sure, two are made up, but let’s see how long before they make it 100%.

Okay, maybe that IS how it works with some people, but we’ll get into my dislike of the concept of MySpace friends (random people you add to your list who you never have and never will meet or even email) later. For now, I’m sticking it to Dentyne’s terrible ad series. Because it doesn’t just end on TV, now there’s prevalent banner ads with hipster-approved drawings. With, of course, the “friend request?” caption.

For some reason ad companies seem to think co-opting some piece of popular culture, particularly when they don’t understand it, will get customers. The masses will say “they understand us!” and flock to the product. Because…you know, I can’t follow the logic here, even having worked in advertising.  If there’s one thing the kids hate, it’s their culture being abused by the squares, the old people, the grups!

I’d like to blame focus groups, because I know they’re hand-picked these days as the most easily malleable and receptive subjects, but did nobody see this ad, place their forehead and cheek firmly to the palm, and declare “uuuuugggghhhh”? Followed by someone near him saying “I know, right? Yeeeecchhh.” But instead, Dentyne continues to put money into an awful campaign. And they can go friend request themselves with this banality. It’s like…

Aw smurf. I get it, this appeals to Grey’s Anatomy fans doesn’t it? Anyone who still says “McDreamy” and “McSteamy” (by still I mean EVER said it without cringing) probably thinks this is just amazingly clever.

Is that show a hit still? I think it might be time to kill myself.

Cox commercials are certainly known for being shitty. Low budget, misleading, usually starring the wife of whoever was around (this is completely true, historically Cox Commercials have used the wife of someone). Lately Cox has made an effort to have a budget, license some really really shitty indie songs, and be appealing.

Now they just have stupidity on a higher budget.

I just saw a commercial that said “Dish Network’s commercial may tell you “come on, get happy”, but what they don’t tell you is they’ve raised their prices for the last nine years. But Cox gives you hundreds of channels and no extra charge for high definition!” The latter is a lie, as you’re forced to pay for a more expensive cable box (7 dollars worth, in fact, which is the price of most additional tiers). However, that’s not important.

“We’re describing the price raises of the competitor, but we’re not going to actually talk about prices even though we used “but” to indicate a comparison.”

This might have something to do with the fact Cox has also raised prices for the last nine years, and dish network has those same hundreds of channels.

Once again, fuck marketers and their abuse of all common sense, as in reality the commercial should be “Dish network raises their prices! But so do we! So you’re screwed no matter what!”

SilverSonic XL, one of many of the same product that works as a small overear audio amplifier (so, a hearing aid shaped like a bluetooth headset).

The ad asks the question “Do you wish you had sonic hearing?”

That is not a misquote.

Sonic hearing.

son·ic (snk)
adj.
1. Of or relating to audible sound: a sonic wave.
2. Having a speed approaching or being that of sound in air, about 1,220 kilometers (760 miles) per hour at sea level.
3. Slang Extremely exciting and fast-paced: a sonic lifestyle.

Do you wish you had hearing related to audible sounds? Do you wish your hearing had a speed approaching that of 1,220 KMPH? Do you consider hearing a lifestyle?

Unless you’re deaf, this commecial is selling you WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE.

I wish I could make this angrier, but the only way to do that is start typing “DAMNIT DAMNIT FUCK” for several pages. I say typing because copy-pasting doesn’t release the fury I feel right now. So just envision R Lee Ermy neckpunching someone, and you’ll know how I feel.

Oh, and after, it says “The SilverSonic XL is discreet, so nobody will know you have sonic hearing!”

Why are there tons of writers, good ones, who can’t find jobs in advertising, but that idiot did? Also, why isn’t he currently being stabbed with a pen?