Entries Tagged 'Food' ↓

Especially ice cream bars.

Ice cream itself, it’s worth it to pay a little extra for the good stuff. No doubt there, get the Haagen Dazs or the Ben and Jerry’s. Even for plain ol’ vanilla, we know it’s best.

Ice cream bars, however, are best dirt cheap. Why I don’t know, but I’ve been through a few expensive ones this summer, and a few cheap ones. Turns out the Arctic Blasters are superior every time. Plain flavors, orange cream pops, chocolate eclair, always best, and with the coatings that don’t fall off randomly in large chunks.

I’m told this applies to pork rinds as well.

Sometimes you buy something at the store you know you shouldn’t. Not because you’re allergic or it’ll plug you up like Gwenyth Paltrow’s sink, just because it’s going to be awful.

I bought the Rockstar Energy Cola.

I’m not a huge fan of Rockstar’s drinks, honestly. They were always pretty okay, but never great, so I was unsure. Most companies can’t manage to make a good cola, certainly. I’m not even that fond of Pepsi and Coke at this point, and I’m slowly working on creating my own cola. That said, while I’m still averse to most manufactured sodas I’ve been to teach myself to tolerate sodas besides mine for convenience’s sake in college, and aware of this.

I think I was driven by the “dude, smell this” curiousity. The idea that it could be so bad, or maybe really good. If it’s good, it’s a gain, if it’s bad it’s a story.

It was bad.

I never knew cola could have the bitter aftertaste of moldy spaghetti sauce until last night. I managed to drink around four ounces of the 16 ounce can, the rest going down the sink. It smelled great. It looked right, not having the radioactive urine tone of most energy drinks. It fizzed nicely and the foam even was proper. But the taste was the stuff of nightmares.

There’s a big difference between “I don’t care for it” and “this is awful.” I recognize plenty of drinks I don’t care for but can see how others would. There was no redeeming value in this. Red Bull has a better flavor, and less aftertaste. I’ve had warm, cheap vodka I liked better. I dare say Barefoot Wine, aka, The Foot, the worst god damn wine you’ll ever drink, was more pleasant. In fact, the flavor of this cola only got worse when I attempted to wash it out with a good drink. I want to safe, delicious orange soda and it just got more bitter.

I really expected that Rockstar, while not always my favorite drink brand, would put out something tolerable.

I was wrong. But it’s definitely the kind of thing where you can make your friends drink it because you already did, so there’s that at least. And tomorrow, I shall!

Project “No longer a total lardass” seems to be marching on without my guidance now. Fast food now tastes absolutely mediocre to me now, even Jack in the Box, my old standard. It’s too big, it’s too flavorless. Turns out salt and mayonnaise don’t substitute for good meat and actual flavor now. The only fast food I find myself enjoying now is In and Out, which is somewhat a border zone anyway because the ingredients are insanely fresh and the quality so high. Everything else is flavorless to outright shitty now.

It’s amazing how the march toward health will keep on going at a certain point without you trying after you make some basic lifestyle changes. I need less salt and less sugar every day, and I can taste chemical more and more.

At this rate my diet may become lowered-fat pemmican with some fruit and vegetables on the side.

Come to think of it, that’s not such a bad thing. Batches of pemmican and some fruit would certainly make for easier meals with full time classes coming up. I think I’m okay with this change.

I hate that they’re sold in like, two stores in the US. Target (had them), Fry’s Electronics has them, but fuck they’re expensive. $3.50 for 10 cookies? Ouch. Especially considering they may not survive more than a day depending on how much coffee drinking happens in your house in the morning. At least Nabisco is starting their own version up, but will it be as good as the faux-original? Only time will tell I suppose.

Until then, I pray Tim Tams start ending up in more stores, I don’t want to travel 20 minutes for a sleeve of cookies. Amazing cookies, but still cookies.

Say what you want, McDonald’s food is friendly. It’s happy to say hi to everything else you eat and see how it’s doing.

Chompie’s bagels, particularly an Everything Bagel, have a lot to offer too. They’ve got something for everyone, especially when you add cream cheese and vegemite to the mix of garlic, onion, poppy seed, and who knows what else.

A Sausage Egg McMuffin and a Chompie’s Everything Bagel will become quick friends in your digestive tract and intestines, sharing the trip. Your colon doesn’t like this. Colons are full of shit and everyone knows it, they don’t know how to keep friends. They get jealous and start throwing tantrums and become work-obsessed.

You, on the other hand, will wake up at 4:30 am, being alerted by the workaholic colon that “Damn it boss, I gotta clear the warehouse, open the door!” And as the sleepy manager you’ll comply because you’re sick of him smashing things up inside you anyway, but he didn’t tell you he plans to empty the whole warehouse.

But he does. He’s got OCD, and that warehouse is UNCLEAN.

Hope you brought a book.

As you’ve likely noticed, I don’t plug too often, only if I really, really like something.

Today, I stopped by what is officially my favorite restaurant in San Tan Valley, Arizona. Greek Islands Grill.

It’s listed at 270 E. Hunt Highway, Queen Creek, AZ 85243 for most purposes still. It’s the best gyro I’ve ever had AND the best Philly cheese steak I’ve ever had. I wrote a review for San Tan Valley Today praising them highly, and I just wanted to do that again on my own space.

If you end up in the east/southeast Phoenix area (Queen Creek, Mesa, Tempe, etc.) or are in Florence or other mid-southern AZ places, you really need to stop by. It’s tucked away in a little corner of the shopping center it’s in, but man, it’s so, so good.

Plug ended! But seriously, go there, they’re Monday – Saturday 11AM – 8PM, and for $10 you’ll be stuffed with delicious souvlaki.

Okay, nobody expects the food to be just like it is on the box.

But I do expect a fairly close number of chocolate chips, and for the layer of frosting not to be so thinly layered as to be transparent!

I do suspect photoshoppery at work. Thumbnail leads to full size image!

“The fun way to start your day.”

“The fun spread.”

“The fun spray.”

“Made for fun.”

“The fun breakfast.”

All of these are from food ads, as the last indicated blatantly.

When did food become something other than nutritious or at least delicious, if terrible for you? Don’t parents say not to play with your food? Yet food ads never seem to display their value as food, they’re advertised as…fun?

Because, you know, Pop-Tarts are highly entertaining. I love watching them curl up in the toaster so I can’t actually get them out of there. That’s fun! And so is that whipped cream. I press the nozzle, and stuff comes out. Whee!

I can’t help but be reminded of old cigarette ads, where you couldn’t show a cigarette. So you show people in the pool, having a good time. At the beach, having a good time. At a dinner party, having a good time. Except now the drug is food, which isn’t a surprise. We throw in addictive additives, certainly. High fructose corn syrup is in damn near everything. Even things that shouldn’t be sweetened. McDonald’s, for example, adds that sugar to the hamburgers even. A friend of mine, in fact, is allergic to corn. There’s almost nothing he can buy at a grocery store because of it, he has to buy everything from a farmer’s market.

But, the drug is in the ad now. Sometimes. The Pop Tart commercial features people dancing a lot more than eating. “The fun whipped cream!” just had a can of the whipped cream, sitting there. No food, no people. I guess I’m taking it on its word.

Of course, that doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. What kind of measure of a food’s quality is FUN? Am I fencing with these churros? Because they won’t taste good when they’re all hand-sweaty. Am I throwing these Pop-Tarts like ninja stars? Cleaning up the mess won’t be fun. In fact, unless the act of eating is the fun…

Oh, wait, there it is. That’s why we’re fat. Because eating itself is the fun. And that’s taken over for healthy food. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a fatass. I don’t eat a lot of fruit, but I also don’t eat a lot of junk. Sometimes I’ll have a little ice cream, a few chips, more often than that I’ll just eat an actual, reasonably sized meal. Because I’m not eating for the fun factor, I’m eating because my body requires nutrition.

It’s not healthy foods, quality foods, which advertise this way. Hell, even junk foods. I don’t see Ben and Jerry’s doesn’t say “We’re fun!” They just declare that the ice cream tastes really good, and hey, don’t eat too much at once. Oh, and nuclear proliferation is bad.

I guess apple growers need to get together. “Apples-A party in every bunch!” Or we take food for what it is, food. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your food, the French sure do, but they’re also much healthier than we are because they don’t sit at a giant plate and chow down. Same with a lot of the world, at least those parts that HAVE food. We grab something cheap and calorie laden on the way home, our unhealthy snacks are cheaper than real, quality food, the damn opposite of the rest of the first world. Only here can Weet-bix and Corn Flakes cost more than Lucky Charms and Froot Loops, only here can McDonald’s instant garbage be cheaper than buying ground beef and fries at the store.

But hey, McDonald’s is more fun than cooking and health, right?