Entries Tagged 'RAGE' ↓

Sarah Palin.

Michael Palin’s fine.

I actually have a screed on this, but I’m tired, and it’s on my cell phone. Seeing her live on television was so much so that yes, I scrawled out paragraph after paragraph of rage on a cell phone.

She’s just that awful a human being. She is the exact opposite of Andrew W.K.

Someone cut me off today at a gas station as I was pulling up to the front pump. Had I not slammed the brakes and honked, it would have been a massive sideswipe putting me into the cement foundations or even a pump, thanks to the fact she was going a solid 25, sliding into the pump ahead of me, and leaving a trail of smoke from the brake squeal.

Naturally, her reaction was to get out of her car, come up to mine, and start yelling at me. Several words were exchanged, and in her case, yelled.

“What the fuck is your problem, asshole?”

“My problem? You almost hit me because you weren’t looking where you were going and you almost hit me cutting me off.”

“Well that’s your own fucking fault for being in my way!”

“Yeah well, I hope your cervix rots and your ovaries fall out.”

At that point the guy who’d been witnessing this on the other side of the pump began cracking up, and she realized that she and I weren’t the only people in the world, and she looked like an idiot. She proceeded to stomp off into the store a while, hopefully feeling like the jackass she was behaving like.

Not like I exactly took the high road, admittedly. But what can I say? My general rules as an adult are that I don’t start trouble, and I don’t let people yell at me. And when that happens, I get creative with my verbal disdain.

How’s it feel to be a terrorist, Terry Jones? That’s the kind of tactic you’re using, threats against a religion or people, in this case to burn a holy book, if you don’t get what you want.

“If they don’t move the ground zero mosque I’m burning korans!” You’re attempting to strongarm someone and violate their first amendment rights because you feel your own supercede them. And it’s not even a mosque. It’s a community center with an open prayer space. OPEN. Any faith, any gender. That alone dictates it’s not a mosque. A mosque, much like any conservative or orthodox jewish temple, is SEGREGATED by sex.

In summary, die in a fire. I hope that if there is a God he starts it with a lightning bolt, but I think if there was one omnipotent deity he’d have struck down Glenn Beck by now, so instead I’ll just go with the fact you’re a terrible person in every sense of the word, and Jesus would hate you.

Or so I’m paraphrasing what this jackass pastor Terry Jones in Florida said. He’s going to keep right on with his plan to burn a bunch of Qurans on 9/11, unless God stops him. Perhaps instead of being such an egomaniacal prick, you should wait for a sign God WANTS you to do something like this instead of just assuming you know what he wants to begin with (to say nothing of his existence to begin with). A sign that your God wants you to do something that shows off not only your blatant bigotry, but your total distaste for the lives of the people over there in the middle east fighting on behalf of people like you.

There’s probably blood on your hands already Terry, just for what you’re inciting with the threats. When you do this and soldiers are killed in response in Afghanistan, though, you should live with the knowledge you caused that until the end of your life. You should know that you’re creating just what we’re trying to get rid of. You, personally, are creating the kind of atmosphere that creates terrorism, Terry Jones, by helping to display that we really are at war with Islam itself, and really are running a new Crusade.

And the proof is here. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer still have careers. After the generally bad Date Movie, followed by the very bad Epic Movie, 2008 got a double dose of shit in the form of Meet the Spartans and Disaster movie. Most people didn’t seem to be aware of how bad the former would be, tricked by the movement away from the naming convention, though as a firsthand witness via video store, everyone over 14 realized it was an absolute shitpile. Disaster movie flopped, rightfully so, as people now understood how bad it would be.

Friedberg and Seltzer have 3 of IMDB’s bottom 100, and it’s about to become four. I’d say they’re the Ed Wood of parody, but a bad movie that takes itself seriously can be enjoyed for the lack of quality and heartily mocked. A bad comedy has to fight to be heard over the horrible jokes, and they drag the whole thing down. Even the Mystery Science Theatre treatment can’t make it worth the time. As Tim and Eric prove every show (intentionally, so they claim), you can’t tell good jokes over bad jokes. The pacing falls, the distraction kills it all. A bad joke can be used as a joke, but only when it’s lampshaded. You might as well perform Shakespeare in front of Grey’s Anatomy.

Just as Grey’s Anatomy can be summarized per episode easily (Tub soliloquy, medical thing, dramatic surprise, someone has sex, someone cries about having had sex the week before, the patient dies or routine operation goes horribly wrong in a way that doesn’t make sense, tub soliloquy), Friedberg and Seltzer can be predicted. All you have to do is watch trailers for big name movies (that’s all they do, as they’ve admitted), throw some parts together, add some extreme violence, and between points ripped from movie trailers, add random celebrities. Oh, and make sure to assume your audience is incredibly stupid (actually, this might be a good idea for the duo) by announcing specifically who and what every single reference is to. Name every character, celebrity, pop culture reference shoved in, and object in the background. Otherwise they won’t get it.

tl;dr, fuck Regency Enterprises and 20th Century Fox.

There’s lots of ways to rent textbooks, and hopefully more digital options, because seriously, Coursesmart.com is awful. The online version contains intrusive watermarks and horrid proprietary formatting. You can’t copy and paste normally, when you use the copy/paste commands on the interface there’s random spaces inserted in the text, you can only print 10 pages at time, and when you click “next page” you end up at the bottom of the next page rather than the top.

To get an offline version of the book you have to use proprietary software and formats once again. Watermarked, time-limited PDFs are neither complex nor expensive to automate, so why stick with the shitsoft?

Oh, and there’s this failure of the digital medium. “Actual size” doesn’t work well particularly when you can zoom in and out of text and images. So, which is right?

Neither! Or either! Or both, if you change the zoom level and your resolution and the size of your monitor works for the demonstration!

I’m not sure who’s to blame, whether it’s a person or a group of programmers, but whoever decided years ago that AOL Instant Messenger is so important a new message window should always pop up and take control must be killed.

It’s been 13 years now since AIM was intially released. I know it’s expected for it to have sucked back then, afterall, it’s AOL. It’s been long enough to NOT do this. But no, despite all the version changes, despite total overhauls of protocols, despite “Triton”, despite the fact now there’s one unified IM window…god help you if you leave AIM on without something already open, because when you’re on a Team Fortress 2 hot streak, when you and Sandvich are destroying everyone assaulting your base, someone will send you a message.

AIM will decide nothing, NOTHING is more important than it is, and it will force any fullscreen app to close and take control of the keyboard.

Whoever made this decision must now be killed, and if I ever experience the joys of time travel, I will use it to prevent this decision from ever being made. Granted, depending on your theory of time travel and time the fact I’m typing this may mean I won’t ever do it, but causality can suck it I say.

Today’s ironic statement is courtesy of myemohairstyles.com.

Emo boys and emo girls try to be unique and comfortable in society with one’s self by expressing their individuality and self-expression through the emo hairstyles adopted.

They’re different, just like everyone else! Once again I state, “I hate hipsters.”

God damn it, another Saturday Night Live movie. Don’t they remember how poorly this went in the 90s? Aside from an okay Pat movie, you can’t make movies out of a 5 minute bit. In fact, you shouldn’t be making 5 minute bits generally, because they’re dragging on too damn long again.

Nothing over 3 minutes unless it’s really, REALLY funny. Like it makes people who aren’t Jimmy Fallon start corpsing.

That said, MacGruber bits are 20-30 seconds long. They’re funny for exactly that long. I’ve seen 30 second commercials that were already too damn long. Let’s do the math really quick, okay?

5 minute sketch converted to 90 minutes, that’s an 1800% length increase, and it ends up being very, very unfunny to outright shitty right around the 300 percent mark. 30 seconds to 90 minutes? 18,000 percent increase. If MacGruber stops being funny at 200%, and gets bad at 300%…

Well, you can do the math from here, because I’m probably doing this all wrong to begin with, but the answer is clearly the kind of suck the ends the world. You think the black hole the LHC can make is scary? Wait until MacGruber. Rumor is it was, in fact, where all that CERN funding went since they haven’t been able to get enough collisions to form a Higgs-Boson.

When they pay you $100 million for scientific research, it’s easy to think that movie’s a good idea!

But much like yawning, you’re about to have an evolutionary trigger hit.

I hate when I think about breathing, and it switches over from involuntary to voluntary, and I have to think about doing it until a little time passes and I forget, so it goes back to my medulla.

You’re thinking about it now aren’t you? Now you’re having to do it yourself, I bet you’re taking more sparse, deeper breaths than normal too.

Sorry.

And writing this doesn’t help the process either for me, but since it just happened…well, not much option but to whinge about it. That’s what I do, I get annoyed, I whinge for all to see.

Watch some Lady Gaga, you’ll forget quick enough. Then you’ll see a Lady Gaga video and think about breathing, and it all starts over. I think that might be when we die. When we’re out of memories that don’t make us think about breathing. We can’t switch it off, we fall asleep, and bam, dead in 10. Until then…